your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
