so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
