I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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