My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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