Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize