I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
