My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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