Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
