Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
