i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
