It's Friday. Sex?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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