If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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