So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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