I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
