Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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