I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize