cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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