Ambien. No doubt about it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
