She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's never too late to be topless.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
