Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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