it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
