If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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