Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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