Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
