Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
