Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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