you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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