Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
