Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dignity is for republicans.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize