I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i already hear my dad disowning me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize