My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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