I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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