Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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