how can u be prego again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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