I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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