she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize