i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this will be a night to untag.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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