My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize