i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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