just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
