I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize