Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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