no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she looked like the before picture.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
