Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
