my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
