"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
