im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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