dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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