I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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