So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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