I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
