My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm like, not good at living.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
