I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
