Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
