it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
