There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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