I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm passing your future prison.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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