this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
