so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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