ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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