he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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