her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
