Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My life is pants optional.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
