almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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