The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
