apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
