drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
