She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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