Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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